One might think it is a bit early to talk about repentance, considering there is still about a week to go before the ashara for forgiveness begins.
All my life, the one thing that I probably would have been as punctual about as anything else that’s needed to see me through each day and night, is namaaz. Not that I’ve been steadfast to a fault and not missed a single prayer. I do have my weaknesses: being used to a nocturnal pattern of work (and play) usually results in missed Fajr prayers, being out on the road for work and not finding a mosque within accessible distance keeps Zuhr, Asr and Maghrib away depending on the time of the day, and if it is any consolation Isha remains the one prayer which does get its due right before I get into bed. Still, to the best of my intent, I try.
My parents, like parents, do worry about the steadfastness of their kids. Thankfully, we didn’t give them much woe over namaaz. We kept our rozas, paid zakaat on time, took care of our dues for zabiha on Eid ul Adha–mostly keeping within the ambit of visible clues of what forms part of religious duties.
But unlike my siblings, I haven’t been the sort who reads the Quran regularly. My parents never pressed me for it (for that matter, they never pressed for anything, we just saw them and learned), but once in a while they would say in passing that I should just try reading just a page or two. There was a time when I would do that regularly (in college, I used to carry a pocket Quran with me; the bliss of righteousness and the strength in faith which builds up teenage years), but gradually it just kept slipping. Till the time it wasn’t even the once a week Surah Kahf on Fridays, but the very occasional Surah Yaseen only if I found myself with nothing to do and a mosque nearby seemed the best choice to wait for time to pass before that important appointment.
Each Ramadan, I used to think with renewed vigor: ‘This month, I’m going to read the Quran everyday, and complete it.’ Never has it happened. The passion thins out before the first week is over. Then, it is just thinking about it guiltily, to not thinking at all because it makes you guilty. In fact, I don’t even remember when was the last time I completed reading the Quran from start to finish.
This month, I thought a better way might be to just turn a random page, and just read the Surah which opens up. That way even if I didn’t end up completing the entire Quran during the month, at least I would’ve read complete Surahs, a few of them at the very least. Not like it has been each year till now: starting with Surah Baqarah and then not getting beyond Surah Aal-Imran.
So I sat down and turned a random page: Surah Al-Taubah.
I’ve just been wondering: is this supposed to mean something?